


Questions

by Lafaiette



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Spider-Man (Comicverse)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-07-06
Packaged: 2017-12-17 21:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/872304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lafaiette/pseuds/Lafaiette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Request from Tumblr. What do the other Marvel characters think about Spider-Man and Deadpool being together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Questions

**Author's Note:**

> Filled prompt for Jollydreamsxd on Tumblr. This was fun!  
> No beta-reader, sorry for any typos or inconsistencies.

The man with the weird beard seems puzzled and shoots a puzzled look at the interviewer over his beer can, repeating the question he has been asked:

“What do I think ‘bout Spider-Man and Deadpool being together?”

The interviewer timidly nods and the hairy man lets out a gruff laugh.

“Heh… I’m not against these things. I mean, you can do whatever you want with the person you want. As long as the relationship is healthy and all that stuff.”

The interviewer promptly asks another question and the other man burst into laughter.

“Normal? Not by _your_ standards. But I can tell ya this…”

The bearded man leans in and the young journalist instinctively does the same, ready to write down whatever is coming next.

“They are superheroes. Well, Spider-Man is. But they are not normal _people_ , just like the rest of _us_.” and he gestures vaguely at himself. “Of course their relationship isn’t normal, how could it be?  
One of them shoots webs from his wrists and can stick to every damn surface, the other is a crazy immortal man with cancer on his body and brain. People like them - _us_ \- can’t have the normal relationships of normal… humans.”

The journalist looks mortified, but the hairy man touches his shoulder - making him jump - and says with a sincere smile:

“But they make a _good_ couple and Wilson - Deadpool - seems to have found  peace with that wallcrawler. Surprisingly it _is_ a healthy relationship. I thought it was impossible for him, but I’m glad I got it wrong.”

Another question and the hairy man grumbles a little before speaking, as if he’s embarrassed.

“Dunno ‘bout that, man. Seriously, how should I know? You have to ask other people.”

The journalist stands up and offers his hand, which the hairy man shakes with a strong grip.

“No problem. I hope it has been useful for your… whatever you are writing. Oh, thanks for the beer!”

   
\-------

 

“Deadpool and Spider-Man?” the two women repeat simultaneously. They look at each other and the blonde one smiles cheerfully.

“They are so _cute_ together!”

The dark haired woman sighs happily and adds: “Isn’t it like _The Beauty and The Beast_? I admit it, I couldn’t stand Deadpool before, but  Spider-Man really wanted us to give his boyfriend a chance and… bad jokes apart, that merc isn’t a bad guy.”

“He had a hard life.” the blonde woman agrees and the journalist scans rapidly his notebook and asks the last question on the page, circled with red pen.

“Yeah, I suppose you can change your mind when you know a person better.” the dark haired woman says. “Spider-Man made this point very clear.”

“We were very moved by Wilson’s story.” A sad look lingers on the blonde heroine face. “I guess we have been pretty… harsh with him in the past.”

“Poor Spidey felt so sorry for him!” the other woman exclaims shaking his head. “And he got so angry when Iron Man called Deadpool by names. He even made us swear to never treat him so badly again.”

The journalist is writing everything down on his notebook with a small smile and then he asks an important last question which makes the two women blush furiously.

 “Well… I don’t know how to answer _that_.” the blonde woman says with a shy laugh. Her friend is hiding her face behind her hand, muttering something that sounds like: “Why the hell do people care so much about this kind of things?”

   
\-------

 

“They… they make a sweet couple… I suppose?”

The nervous shabby man offers the journalist a small shrugs, but of course it’s not enough and the pages of the notebook flip rapidly before another question is asked.

“Logan said that? I… I really don’t know, I’m not an expert on normal relationships - this could really prove Logan’s point - but…”

A short sentence followed by short shocked silence, then:

“Of course it’s possible to find peace with someone almost completely different! What kind of stupid statement was that?!”

The journalist steps back, suddenly scared by the other man’s eyes and the rage that lies behind them.

“Differences can _complete_ each other in a couple! Hell, in most cases they are what sticks people together! Different points of view, different ways to face problems…”

The even more nervous man sighs and looks suddenly tired.

“I’m sorry, I suppose this was a more important topic for me than I thought. Yes, yes, I’m fine, don’t… don’t be afraid. But I really have a lot to do, so…”

Another sigh and the man passes a hand through his messy hair; the journalist notices how his lab coat is creased and his eyes are slightly circled. That scientist seems older than he really is.

“Listen, I usually don’t care about the love life of other people, I have _my_ problems to care about, but… I was surprised when I heard Spider-Man and Deadpool got together, that I can tell.  
I’d probably lose my mental sanity hanging with that mercenary for more than one day, but Spider-Man is able to keep him and _himself_ under control. That’s good.”

The scientist shrugs again, but there is a small sad smile on his lips now.

“I’d like to say the same thing about me. Deadpool is a lucky guy. And I’m happy for them.”

The journalist clears his throat, visibly embarrassed, and tries to change topic.

“Yes, he joined us during some missions. I tried as much as I could to ignore and avoid him before, but _now_ it’s basically impossible. He and Spider-Man are always together, the Avengers Mansion became _louder_ since they are dating.”

The smile returns, but it’s surprisingly amused.

“It’s not that bad. Spider-Man seems more relaxed and Deadpool’s jokes are not that terrible.”

The journalist mentions what the two women have said before about the mercenary’s past and the scientist nods with a somber look on his pale face.

“Yes, I remember Captain Marvel and Spider-Woman being very touched by his story.

It explained his behavior and… craziness. I felt sorry for him. I guess there is always someone whose life has been drastically uglier than yours, even if you thought it impossible.”

Finally the journalist finds the courage to ask _that_ question again and the blush on the other man’s cheeks is even bigger than the two heroines’ from before.

“I... I don’t know. _How_ am I supposed to know? And why would people want to know this stuff…?”

This time it’s the interviewer who offers a helpless shrug and the scientist immediately avoids eye contact.  
  
“I… I suppose it must be… nice?”

The journalist could swear the other man is now sweating profusely.

   
\-------

 

“This has to be the weirdest interview I’ve ever done.”

This man’s beard is tidy and clean and he smells of expensive perfume and whiskey. The journalist is trying hard not to babble or stutter, but he’s failing miserably and his guest must be feeling sorry for him, because he says:

“Hey now, kid, calm down, I didn’t say I don’t want to do it! It could be fun, so… shoot!”

The first question is easy and the billionaire raises his glass to his lips and says with a smile before drinking the strong golden liquid:

“No, they don’t bother me. Spider-Man has never really been a problem. Deadpool is just… Deadpool, but since the day they’re together he almost looks like a different person. He’s still an idiot, but at least he’s doing some good.”

Second question comes and the business man frowns. He fills his glass again, looks at the semi-melted ice inside of it with a serious face and answers choosing the right words:

“Yeah, I think… I think he’s doing very good things to Spidey too. The young man seems happier and… I don’t know, calmer? As if a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. I suppose it does help staying together with a person who can understand your _special_ life and problems.”

The journalist instantly brightens up and shows the billionaire the previous hairy man’s answers.

“Wow, Wolverine gets deep. Well, it depends on what you mean for ‘normal’. We… heroes are used to having different lives, different needs and different _everything_ from you people. No offence given.”

A brief silence - used by the billionaire to drink his second glass - then he adds with a smile:

“To tell the truth Spidey and Deadpool are pretty abnormal to _our_ standards too.  
They don’t control super organizations together or travel to nonsensical places. They just patrol together, they occasionally do some Avengers shit together - dear God, _no_ , Wilson hasn’t been accepted… yet. It’s a matter of time, I suppose, Spidey is insisting like hell…  
  
Anyway their not-superhero life is consistent. They do have a relatively normal life and that’s pretty _rare_ for a guy who can stuck to walls and a disfigured man who can’t die.  
I know for sure they do all those little small things that couples love so much doing, such as shopping, playing videogames until dawn…”

The journalist can’t help asking a curious and absolutely legit question.

“How do I know? Good Lord, kid, do you know how much those two _talk_? It’s impossible _not_ to hear their conversations at the Mansion and I gathered lots of info. Of course I have other… ah, sources, completely legal, of course, but you can’t avoid knowing certain stuff when you are doing the job I’m doing.”

The journalist kindly brings the interview back to the important points.

“Oh right. Normality, yeah. Well, Logan is wrong, Spidey and Deadpool are more normal than he thinks. Those two lovebirds are almost _boring_. Always talking about movies, comics, videogames, their weird interests… And God, the _nicknames_ they give each other! I knew Deadpool had a terrible creativity, but  Spidey can be almost worse!”

The intercom on the man’s desk suddenly rings and after dealing with it he says with a more professional tone: “I’m sorry, but we have to finish here. You heard the lady, didn’t you? Some guys are waiting for me and Pepper sounded nervous enough, so I can’t stay here any longer.”

A hurried last question causes the billionaire to blink slowly and check his empty glass.

“… I really need to drink more to answer _that._ ”

   
\-------

 

If the journalist was panicking before, now he’s completely incapable of speaking.

The blond soldier is looking at him with a gentle paternal smile, waiting for the questions that simply don’t want to leave the interviewer’s mouth.

After long awkward seconds, the soldier laughs and begins to talk, causing a big rush of gratefulness to rush over the other man’s soul.

“Spider-Man and Deadpool… Well, it has been a surprise for everyone, I’m sure.  Unpleasant and shocking for some, pleasant and sweet for others.  
  
Me? Pleasant. I know Wilson and his issues. I tried to give him a chance in the past. But then I gave up on him and bad things happened.  I never gave him the merits he deserved too.  
It has been my fault and I felt regret for my inconsideration. Spider-Man showed more patience than me.”

The soldier’s smile is bigger and the journalist can feel his own heart beating violently against his chest listening to his confession.

“I knew Wilson could be a better person, but I never _really_ tried to help him. Spider-Man saw what I saw in him and went for it. He’s doing a better job than what I could ever hope to do.  
Of course being in love does help in this case.”

The journalist musters the courage to ask something, without raising his eyes from the notebook.

“Well, ‘weird’ is usually Deadpool’s thing, but  everybody needs a slice of normality in their lives, don’t you think? Probably after all these years of nonsense and instability having something normal and rational is extremely important and precious to him. Something to hold on to.”

The soldier waits for the journalist to write down the last sentences then he adds:

“We had a party few weeks ago to celebrate an important victory (sorry, it’s top secret material).

Deadpool was obnoxious and loud as always, but he was _funny_. He oozed happiness and  cheerfulness during all night and it wasn’t hard listening to him for once.  
  
He shared most of his food with Spider-Man because _‘he’s so scrawny he doesn’t even cast a shadow!’_.”

The blond man laughs and says confidently: “I may sound harsh, but he finally looks like a _person_ again. Spider-Man dug under all his insecurities, traumas, bloody past and mental instability and found Wade Wilson.

And he’s keeping him like that - now there is just Wilson under that mask when they are on mission - not Deadpool the Merc with a Mouth - and there is Wilson when they simply are out together as a couple. I’ve seen them.  They are beautiful.”

The journalist thanks all the gods above for the super soldier’s charisma and ability with words; there is a warm feeling in his heart now and he feels the strong urge to go looking for the two heroes and see for himself how they are doing together.

He wonders if he should ask _that_ last question, but the older man’s stare is so gentle and down-to-earth that he realizes he cannot possibly find the courage to face that topic with _him_.

So he asks something completely different - something that hasn’t been requested by the readers and his boss.

“Where could you find them…? Hm, let me see… It’s just noon, they’re probably patrolling together right now. If you’re lucky you can see them swinging across the buildings.”

The soldier laughs softly again and shakes his head.

“Well, Spider-Man does that. Deadpool usually piggybacks him. It’s… quite the spectacle.”

Damn, he needs a camera.

  
\-------

 

Apparently he _is_ lucky because he finds the two heroes fighting some robots over the skyscrapers next to the little café he’s eating at.

He doesn't have a camera though, just his pen and notebook, so all he can do is listening to what the other bystanders think about that special-but-normal relationship.

There are an old blind woman and a young man with anxious eyes sitting at the table next to his.

Once in a while the woman asks something about the battle above their heads and his friend - _son?_ the journalist thinks - describes what’s happening as best as he can.

When the journalist approaches and introduces himself, the other man tenses and offers him a chair with shaky voice.

“Bob, stop being a pussy, the robots are not coming down here.” the old woman huffs, but the young man glances nervously at the metallic parts falling everywhere on the street in front of them and jumps every time one of those little machines explodes.

The journalist asks the blind woman what she thinks about that relationship. Does it bother her?  
Does she think that a homosexual relationship is wrong, especially if two superheroes (or at least one famous superhero) are involved?

The woman is wearing big dark sunglasses, but her glare pierces through them and the journalist feels shame hitting him like a brick or one of those metal heads now scattered everywhere.

“Is our society really this fucked up and narrow-minded?” the old woman retorts indignantly. “Just because I’m old as fuck doesn’t mean I am against homosexuality.  
Jesus, boy, who do you think I am? Some nun who loses her shit when two men kiss? One of those bastards from the Baptist Church who shriek ‘abomination!’ when they spot gays?”

The journalist timidly apologizes and rephrases the question.

“That’s better. No, their relationship doesn’t bother me. In fact it improved my life - and Bob’s. And the life of so many others, Deadpool and Spider-Man’s included of course.”

It’s just an impression, but this woman seems connected to Deadpool or at least she knows a lot much about him. What does she mean when she says her life is better now that those two are dating?

“My wish came true.” the old lady replies with a big smile and now there’s just tranquility and glee behind those dark lens.

“Let’s just say” the young man steps in with an equally happy smile “that we are very glad Deadpool found peace. We are… fans.”

The journalist is about to ask more when the battle finally comes to an end and the two superheroes come down to the street to gather all the destroyed robots into a large cocoon.  
Fortunately nobody got hurt and the café is relatively far, so there hasn’t been serious damage.

This is the occasion he was waiting for!  
  
The journalist thank the old lady and his friend/son/whoever he is and runs towards the two heroes.

There is already a huge crowd of random people, other reporters  - and of course the police.  
  
He tries hard to catch the superheroes’ attention, but they’re busy, the bystanders are being lousy and Deadpool is obviously the lousier of them all.

“Done!” Spider-Man exclaims when the last robot part is inside of the web cocoon. “Come on, let’s go. Wade, stop posing for photos.”

“But I want to be on the front page!”

A smirk appears under Spider-Man’s mask and he says something which makes the merc laugh lewdly.

Then he shoots a web to the nearest building and slides an arm around Deadpool’s waist.

No piggyride? Disappointing.

But there’s no time to think about that, because the journalist has a last question left without answer and his bitchy boss will throw a fit if he comes back with an incomplete report.

“Please!” he tries for the last time. “Just one question! I’m from The Daily Bugle!”

Spider-Man immediately tenses and turns around. It’s the last thing the journalist sees before the people around him push him away.

He is stumbling on his own feet when a strong hand catches his wrist and he’s suddenly inside the small neutral space Spider-Man and Deadpool are refuged into.

“Just one question, man.” the slender superhero says with a smile in his voice.

“Oh, _thank you_!” the journalist exclaims with extreme gratefulness. “J.J. - my boss, I mean, would have killed me! I just need a simple answer.”

“If it’s about Spidey’s costume, then you’re right. He wears nothing under it because _chaffing_.” Deadpool has whispered the last word with a grin so big it’s perfectly visible under his mask.

“W-Wade!”

“A-Actually my last question would be even more personal. Fans sent them and I had to interview people about you two to collect the answers.”

“Did you hear that, sweetums?” Deadpool is basically jumping up and down with joy now. “We are _celebrities_! The scoop of the year! Tumblr famous!”

“Wade, please… What do you mean with ‘interview’, man?”

If Deadpool is squealing like a fangirl, Spider-Man just seems terrified by the perspective of someone else talking about their private love life.

“Just what I said… I asked some people opinions about your sentimental relationship.”

Spider-Man groans loudly while his boyfriend tries to read the journalist’s notes.

“Just… just ask this last question and let’s get over with this.” the younger superhero sighs pulling the mercenary away from the poor man.

“Well… lots of fans would like to know… _‘What is your sexual life like?’_ ”

Deadpool’s laugh is the most amused and triumphant laugh the journalist has ever heard.  
  
Spider-Man just ducks his face in shame while his boyfriend gives detailed and precious descriptions that will need to be censored somehow.

   
\-------

 

“I can’t believe people ask such things! It’s… it’s private and - _oh, yes!_ \- and you really shouldn’t have given that guy all those info!”

Wade just gives his boyfriend another kiss on the neck, pressing him against the wall of the alleyway they are hiding in, and smiles.

“Knowing your boss, he will probably change the article and write that you are a pervert and a menace for the children’s innocence.”

“Thank you, Wade, that really he- _ah, there!_ ”

“See? You _are_ a perv after all!”

Peter doesn’t have the time to smack the grinning merc on the head because his cellphone starts ringing and buzzing and he has to reach for it.

“Aunt May? Nick Fury?” Wade asks while kissing the other man’s neck.

“Nnno. I don’t know this number…” He answers anyway and immediately recognizes the voice who greets him.

He doesn’t talk much - just monosyllabic words of agreement and an ‘of course!’ then a ‘goodbye’ and the call is over.

“Who was it, baby boy?” Wade asks with raised brows and a perplexed look because Peter’s smile is surprisingly lecherous and mischievous.

“That colleague from before. J.J. gave him my number because he needs some… indecent photos of Spider-Man and Deadpool together for his article.”

Now it’s Wade’s turn to smile and become a perv.

“I think I can help you with that, baby boy.”

Peter takes his camera from the bag resting next to them and his smile increases tenfold.

 

After their climax, they browse through the photos taken by Peter’s timed digital camera (Wade’s presents for Christmas) and come to an undeniably conclusion.

Out of fifty-three photos, just twenty can be published without causing much scandal.

“I think this really answers that guy’s last question.”


End file.
